The 'Squelchy' Eurovision Awards 2008

	Top 'Totty'	Armenia		Surprisingly not a blonde this year, but a gorgeous brunette from Armenia by the name of Sirusho. Mind you, it was a close call with the diva from Ukraine in what was a disappointing year for totty overall.
	Ugliest Bird	Portugal		The girl can sing, but what a big beast.
	Ugliest Bloke	Spain		Just a complete weirdo.
	Best Song	Norway		Well I really liked the ‘London Beat’ Euro-pop sound of Euroband. This is what the competition should be about.
	Worst Song	Spain		Absolute rubbish. The UK entry was toilet, but how on earth did this get even more votes than Andy Abraham?
	Best Voice	Portugal		There is no denying the big lady has a big voice.
	Worst Voice	Romania		The female half of this duet from Romania was just awful.
	Best Performance	Bosnia & Herzogovina		Terry Wogan may have slagged it off (what doesn’t he?), but the irritating twat hasn’t got a clue about anything. This was original and interesting, yet reminded me of early eighties stuff like Captain Sensible. I really enjoyed it.
	Worst Performance	Sweden		Charlotte Perrelli may be a former winner for Sweden, but she was really off key tonight with what was otherwise a very decent song.
	Best Costume	Ukraine		Simply because her dress couldn’t have been any shorter and she knew how to wear it.
	Worst Costume	Azerbaijan		The Angels and the Devil just didn’t do it for me. Surprisingly quite liked the song though.