The 'Squelchy' Eurovision Awards
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Top 'Totty' Russia A real mink from Minsk. Alsou is 16 and was born in Northern Russia. At the age of 9 she moved to the UK. She now lives and studies in London and has also established herself as a successful artist in Russia.
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Ugliest Bird Austria They really saved the worst 'till last!
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Ugliest Bloke Latvia He looked like that Latvian geyser in Taxi! Quite enjoyed the song though.
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Best Song Russia And not just because she was the top 'totty'!
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Worst Song Romania It was the pan-pipes that did it for me!
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Best Voice Croatia The best voice of any of the contestants by far!
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Worst Voice FYR Macedonia Not one but FOUR who couldn't sing to save their lives - quite young totty though!
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Best Performance Norway Pleasing on the eye!
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Worst Performance Germany Quite simply an embarrassment!
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Best Costume Estonia Those tight, hugging trousers were hot!
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Worst Costume Belgium Looked as if she was just about to walk up the altar!
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