Trev's Reports

Trev's Weekly 'Competition Update' Reports

Week 35

I have never been particularly fond of Southend, ever since having travelled their one Friday some 14 or so winters ago. As we progressed down the A13 our progress was increasingly slowed by the ever deteriorating weather. It came as no surprise to learn that the scheduled game against The Royals was to fall foul of a snow covered pitch.

Undeterred in our efforts to still enjoy the weekend away, a tour of the local hostelries and the obligatory curry followed. I will defer to those present, with better memories than I, who are reading this tale. However, I feel there was a particular aspect of this curry session that was of particular significance but due to the passing of time, this now escapes me.

I do remember eventually returning to our accommodation, which just so happened to be a pub, to find a Rastafarian disco in full swing. It is fair to say we stuck out like sore thumbs but needed no second invitation to continue our imbibing into the early hours.

On waking we somehow learnt that Reading FC had been invited to play at Highbury later in the day. On checking that the effects of anything that may have passed our way at the disco hadn't impaired our faculties, it was confirmed that The Royals were to take on Arsenal in a hastily arranged friendly. The reason for this was to get some urgent match fitness for one of their players, who had been detained at Her Majesty's pleasure, namely Tony Adams.

Suffice to say return train tickets to London were acquired, the match attended and if I recall a more vocal member of our group being lucky to escape without a seeing to, for his outspoken comments on leaving the ground. No guesses as to which one of you this might have been!

We all returned to Southend for a repeat of the previous nights entertainment, all bar the disco thankfully.

Anyway, where is all this leading. Well it is Southend's failure to hold on to a 0 - 1 lead at Southampton yesterday, going on to lose 4 - 1, that has caused me to recall my previous dislike.

To coin some phrases with a little licence from a well known television programme the update continues. The above result sees Albert sitting with a guaranteed cheque for 3200.0p, but I don't want to give him that, I want to rip it up and spend the Ł64 down the Magpie & Parrot (the last outpost of Shinfield on the road to Arborfield) in the most hastily arranged end of season 'spend the pot till we drop' session ever, tomorrow lunchtime. Unfortunately the wins also for West Ham, Bristol City & Lincoln mean that I must abide by the rules of the competition and payout.

However, dependent on the outcome of the Charlton V Tottenham match Monday evening, I may well be ripping it up and writing one for him to the value of 6400.0p. A win for Tottenham will see me with a second cheque for the same amount as the first, the only difference being this one will be made out to Mike. The only other difference Mike has in his selections is Huddersfield. Mike, if eventually I need to, can you let me know your postcode.

A win for Mike will see Tim & Fintan finish with 3 wins and the draws of Grimsby & Nottm Forest, respectively, being their downfalls. Gary has already hit this mark with Peterborough costing him. Dave will have gone one result worse if an away victory prevails in the above match, with Wycombe's loss leaving him to rue. The 3 win 1 loss crowd are completed by Chris, Pam (both Darlington), Mick (Swansea) & Clive W (Accrington Stanley).

It just leaves me to draw a veil over this seasons competition and thank you all for your much appreciated cooperation in seeing this concluded satisfactorily, well apart from not getting a p**s up out of it, in what became a greater challenge of organisation.

I am happy to continue the competition next season, as I don't feel the more remote running should present any problems that can't be overcome. It may well though lead to a few more advance payments. I will quite understand if for any reason any of you don't share my optimism and for that reason wish to end your participation. If that is the case I ask that you let me know.

If I don't hear I will take it to mean you continuing to take part and I will be back with 07/08's details in due course.

Regards for now,
Trev.

Week 34

In an attempt to balance the books this weeks update is out early and in its entirety. Although the result from tomorrow nights game is still awaited, it cannot impact the overall outcome.

The fate of the Ł32 was known at the conclusion of yesterday's games, albeit later than may have been expected. Fintan, Steve and Sara, the latter for the second week running, had achieved 3 wins and a draw, the 0-0 scoreline between Grimsby (x2) V Lincoln (X1) accounting for them just missing out.

It was yet another case of a late goal impacting on the competition this week, but this time to keep the pot rolling. Ipswich equalised with 2 minutes of normal time remaining which was to all bar the final tap put the last nail in Leeds coffin. I doubt if both Tina & Clive M, sitting with 3 wins, were aware of the drama that was about to unfold. Amazingly 6 additional minutes were indicated at Elland Road but these took over 30 minutes to complete, following a pitch invasion. The match eventually resumed and the ensuing 50 or so secs saw no change to the scoreline, thus meaning we have Ł64 to play for in the last week of competition.

Last weeks winners were very prominent again this time around. Nigel will match the above should Reading win, Mick achieved 3 wins and a loss. The loss was Wrexham, who in doing so have set themselves a battle royal showdown of a fixture next weekend.

Boston, who could only manage a draw at home to already relegated Torquay, which left them in the second relegation spot, travel to North Wales knowing that a win will see them leapfrog their opponents. If Macclesfield at least draw at home to Notts County, there will be one less bunch of Taffs in the Football League as they will drop two places to 23rd and out!

The nearly people were completed by Pam & I, for the second week running, and joined by another of the Denney clan, namely Paul.The losses of Bristol City, Doncaster & Everton respectively being our downfalls.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 33

Brief update for the time being, due to preparing/cooking some foodie bits as a birthday treat for a very good friend, later today.

Mick & Nigel share the Ł64. Mick's disdain for the city of Norwich could have increased more so yesterday. Had they held on and not conceded an equaliser to Ipswich, then Ian would also have shared the spoils. Even less to be said for Blackburn's draw and failure to overcome lowly Fulham, as this dented two peoples chances one of whom is very much overdue a win on the law of averages.

I'll be back, with part whatever number we have got to, in due course with a more detailed update and negotiate paying out details with the above mentioned.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 32

There were no winners this week, even though Clive W had an extra 30 minutes longer than everyone else to try and scoop the pot. However, Blackburn's eventual loss in extra time yesterday left him on the 3 win mark and with the same set of results as Tony, let down by the inconsistent Grimsby.

James, last weeks winner, went one better than the above and was only let down by his beloved Palace drawing at home to Wolves.

Therefore Ł64 up for grabs this coming weekend.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 31

Little did I realise when the competition was founded that not just once but now twice, the fabled name of Accrington Stanley "The greatest little club in the world" would be bringing riches to competition members.

What makes this week's result more surprising is that there were only 2 of us who had winners in League 1, myself with Doncaster & James with Carlisle. Darlington's draw on Friday had already done for my chances, so with wins also for Everton & crystal palace (something appears to have gone wrong with my upper case momentarily), James picked up his first winnings of the season, to the tune of Ł64. (Chq will be in the post later today!)

If Nottingham Forest's somewhat stumbling season had been on the up rather than losing at Milwall then a win for them would have seen Tony & Mary share the spoils with James.

There will be Ł32 up for grabs this coming weekend.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 30

A brief update this week as I am using a different appendage to type and it is getting later in the morning! The reason for this action is that I have enrolled into the Alan Wiley school of typing.

First rule, if you keep your hands behind you at all times, you can't be penalised or get into trouble. However, if you wear a white shirt, I will turn a blind eye if you transgress.
Second rule, if you should move them and unintentionally make contact with any spherical object be sure, that once I have changed my mind due to being shouted at by an Irishman wearing a white shirt, you will be sure to pay the PENALTY!!

With that rant over, no one managed 3 wins, let alone scoop the pot. Therefore if all dues (gentle reminder for Albert & Carole) there will be Ł64 up for grabs over the Easter weekend.

Regards,
Trev.
PS : How much footie on TV this week (outrageous that there is only 1 game tonight) plus the cricket? Think I might be keeping the SKY subscription going a bit longer!

Week 29

Unfortunately for the majority of us the 3 figure rollover hoodoo has struck again. For the 5th time at least, possibly 6th but I can't be ars*d to go through the records, the pot has hit Ł96 (assuming Mary has paid dues owed from the beginning of the month, if not will, with their agreement, divert some of Viv's) and failed to go on.

Notwithstanding the above twelve of you recorded three wins, five (Clive M, Tina, Steve, Tony & CAROLE) coupled with a draw and the remaining seven (Fintan, Tim, Gary, Paul, Albert, Clive W & John), 1 result worse.

If the Premiership team you support, and have included in your selection, wins along with your other 3 teams together for the first time this season, you may have good reason to be pleased. This pleasure could well be halved though as both Ian (WHU [courtesy of the officials?], Norwich, Bristol City & Darlington) & Nick (Spurs, Norwich, Swansea & Grimsby) were in that position following Saturday's fixtures.

It doesn't end there though as an individual win of Ł96 was reduced still further to Ł32 each at the very conclusion of yesterday's games. Chris benefited from Everton's injury time winner to go with Coventry, Bristol City & Darlington, from Saturday.

Now the messy bit of how to get the respective winnings to you.
Ian, you owe Ł6 to the end of the season, can I deduct this and send you a cheque for Ł26, if you let me know your home address.
Nick, cheque for Ł33 (winnings + Ł1 overpayment) will be in the post if you can let me know your new address. Better than that I'll arrange a personal handover, after deducting a couple of pints of Pride, in The Seven Red Roses!!
Chris, If Gary is going to the reserve game on Wed's night I can pass cash for onward transmission then, failing that if you let me know your address I can post a cheque.

There is no competition this coming weekend due to the Euro 2008 qualifiers. If all dues detailed below are paid we will be back competing for Ł32 over the weekend of 31/3.

If it is OK with everyone, I have quoted the amounts owing to the end of the season. If you wish to pay any less that is fine by me.

Ł6 owed by Albert, The Denney Clan & Carole. Mary, yours will also be Ł6 if you have already paid the previous Ł3 (sorry but I haven't caught up with Gary yet to see where we stand), Ł9 if not.
Ł4 owed by Mike.

Look forward to hearing from the winners so I can get their pennies on the way.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 28

With 14 of you already denied the opportunity of winning this week, due to previous FA Cup failings, you could be forgiven for thinking that this weeks competition had a more inevitable conclusion to it. Also compounded by 11 of us having to rely on our selected Premiership team winning away from home against a team they had only beaten once, late last year, in the past 16 years.

Not a lot could be further from the truth, especially as some club allegiances played a part in the final outcome.

Well with Tottenham, already flying high in Europe, taking a 3 - 1 lead after 36 minutes at Chelsea, one of you, a lifelong? Spurs fan, could sense Ł64 coming their way, what could possibly go wrong?

Tim was subsequently to see his potential new found wealth cut in half, when Wolves scored the only goal in their encounter with WBA in the 83rd minute. Well Ł32 each is better than the nil return he and fellow fan Steve have seen previously this season.

As I said above, what could go wrong? Up step Messrs Lampard & Kalou in the 71st & 86th minutes respectively, to earn Chelsea a replay and see the pot rise to Ł96 this coming weekend.

I appreciate it is no consolation but the above mentioned were the only two to attain 3 wins.

To close, and as a complete aside, I notice in today's Daily Mail they have managed to combine all 'The Pru' rumours into one, 2 column 12 line, article saying an announcement is to be made this week. Squeezed in is more off shoring to Mumbai (with reports of 3000 jobs stated as being wide of the mark), outsourcing to Capita, withdrawing from writing unprofitable UK business and an eventual announcement on the orphan assets.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 27

It is possible that the third longest winless run, in the competition, could come to an end this evening. Having checked back it surprised me that 2 others of you, I won't mention any names but I'm sure they know who they are, have only seen their money going in one direction for longer.

With that said, Sara requires a win for Southampton at Preston to record her first 'full house' since week 30 of the 2001/2002 season. It is quite ironic that Sara won twice that season, the first of which was her virginal week (25) of competition, with the teams actually inherited from Foxy's departure. I appreciate just the one weeks amount of Ł32 is little compensation but at least is better than nothing. The teams that have brought Sara to this precipice are Blackburn (who survived a late Bolton rally who had a late 'equaliser', legitimately, ruled out for offside), Nottm Forest & the ever unpredictable Grimsby.

If Southampton do win Pam (Darlington) will join Tim (Palace), Nick & Steve (both Swansea) and Gary (Everton) with 3 wins and a draw. By a quirk of the fixtures Clive W will join the 3 win brigade if, for Sara's sake, an unthinkable reverse occurs tonight. The only other of you to hit the 3 win mark was Dave who uncannily had Nottm Forest's heavy defeat of Huddersfield to cost him.

There is little else to mention, so by approx 10.00pm we will know if we are competing for Ł32 or Ł64 this coming weekend.

Just to close, I appreciate my role dictates that I should conduct myself with total impartiality, but I must admit to hoping the play and outcome tonight very much has the collective name for Natalie, Nicole, Mel & Shazney to the fore. By sheer coincidence it is about the same length of time, until the release of the album Studio 1, that the group and tonight's potential winner have been in the wilderness with regard to success.

Regards,
Trev.
PS: I know I said I wouldn't mention them but I'm sure, according to my records, Fintan and Jason have some sympathies?

Week 26

I am writing this update on the assumed basis that all dues owed have been paid. Although saying that 2 people could be better off if that wasn't the case.

Firstly I must make mention of the fortunes of the most selected (7) League Two team, namely Grimsby, particularly with regard to Sara, Mary & Tim. All three would have broken their duck for the season had Grimsby have matched all their 4 previous results in February. It wasn't to be as they lost 2 - 1 away to Macclesfield. It has, until now, been an amazing turn around in form though. Each of their seven matches from Boxing Day to the end of January resulted in a loss, conceding 18 goals & only scoring one in return. This was promptly followed by scoring 10 in the first two games of February and finishing the month with 12 points out of a possible 15 and an aggregate of 15 - 7.

Even though it is nice to receive a return, however small, it may come as some comfort to the above mentioned trio that their winnings would only have potentially amounted to Ł6.33 each!

The reason for this being that Paul (therein lies the assumption) had already got his hands on Ł32 following Saturday's games, with victories for Everton, Palace, Nottm Forest & Darlington. The wins for Blackburn & Spurs, yesterday and matching all those results with those of (Southampton & Bristol City) and (Doncaster) meant that Pam & I respectively reduce the winnings to Ł10.67 apiece.

Fintan, Gary & James were only the smallest of results away from reducing the individual winnings still further, with the draws of Lincoln, Coventry & Accrington respectively denying them of 'riches'. The 3 win gaggle was completed by Tina, who missed out by yet another loss for Leeds.

Gary, continuing the assumption, can you let Paul have his winnings and pass me the remainder of the 'Denney Clan's' dues tomorrow evening.

On the subject of dues, Fintan & Mary owe from this coming weekend, where Ł3 will take you past payday. A further Ł6 would see you through to the end of the season. (Mike you also owe and as agreed will try and remember to sort it tomorrow.)

There should therefore be Ł32 up for grabs, again, this coming weekend.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 25

The outcome of this week's competition went down to the last match of the weekend, as has quite often been the case this season.

An empathic victory for Spurs (4-0) at Fulham saw Steve, Tim & Mike hit the 3 win mark. This was only surpassed by Tom who also matched it with wins for Cardiff, Brentford & Wycombe enabling him to scoop the Ł32 up for grabs.

There is little else to comment on this week and it just leaves me to close by mentioning the dues that are owed.

Ł4.00 owed by The Denney Clan and also John, as I believe our reciprocal organisers arrangement has now expired. Ł3.00 by Fintan, Mary & Mike.

In view of the somewhat staggered fixtures at the moment (Reading, originally with the potential of a 5 week gap between home fixtures) I am happy to accept the intent to pay. I'm likely to see Gary this coming Wed's (home reserve game V Chelsea) or the following week (FA Cup replay) so these opportunities could be made use of.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 24

The '3 win brigade' were very much in evidence this week with Jason leading the way, only being let down by Wycombe's draw. Seven others of you (Tina, Paul, Carole [Ł5 safely rec'd thank you], Bernie, Sharon, David & Mary) achieved the mark but with a loss apiece keeping you from the riches.

The number 3 is proving to be a difficult stumbling block this season, as again the pot cannot seem to rise to a 3 figure sum. Tony becomes the fourth person to scoop Ł96 with the combined successes of Everton, Leeds!, Nottingham Forest & Grimsby!! (10 goals scored in their last 2 games). Tony, if you are happy to receive your winnings by cheque, can you let me know your address so I can send it off. In keeping with the 'in excess of Ł50 winnings' rule, I'll deduct Ł10 to pay you to the end of the season.

There is little else to mention competition wise this week, apart from announcing Mick as 'Improver of the Week'. This time around at least he managed to get a draw with one of his teams (Southampton)!

There will be Ł32 up for grabs this coming weekend, which sees currently 11 of you excluded due to previous FA Cup failings. This figure could well increase as a result of the outcomes of the coming weeks replays.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 23

I must start this week's update by apologising to one member of the competition for what eventually turned out to be unnecessarily delaying the carving of his Sunday lunch.

Tom, prior to my call, was oblivious (something possibly to do with spending 12+ hours in the RAOB club on Saturday/today possibly?) to his potential winnings. However Man Utd's 4 - 0 demolition of Spurs this afternoon put paid to his chances of scooping some, if not all, of the pot. I can also share in Tom's disappointment as I now have no real reason to watch Scunthorpe V Bristol City on Sky tomorrow night. Had Spurs have won it would have meant that with a City win Tim would have wrestled Ł32 from Tom and it would only been right that I watched the match for completeness. Nevertheless I'll probably still tune in.

On the basis that Fintan eventually gets his money paid and stops imposing on Ian's advance payments there will be Ł96 up for grabs this coming weekend.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 22

Apologies for the delay in this weeks update, which can be put down to system access problems. Roughly translated means it is now my turn to use the computer!!

As suggested, only half of us were competing this week. As a result of Grimsby losing on Friday evening only 11 remained in with a chance come the main bulk of fixtures.

It didn't get much better than that, as the best anyone achieved was 5 of us gaining 2 wins apiece.

I believe all dues have been paid and if that is the case there will be Ł64 up for grabs this coming weekend. (Gary, if I don't get to see you in the Jazz Cafe can you pass to Squelchy at half-time or earlier, ta.)

The latest school project that junior Smith is currently undertaking is to do with recycling. Having been quoted in excess of Ł600 just to replace the bricks for my garden wall, let alone labour, I too am into recycling. I have cleaned in excess of 400 of the damn things, over the past week with about another 10 to go. Then it is just a case of tidying up the resultant rubble and piles of discarded cement!! I know what I'll be doing for the next hour or so then

Regards,
Trev.

Week 21

For at least 30, could be 31 in due course, of us there is bad news as the Ł96 has been won. Pam with Blackburn, Southampton, Bristol City & Darlington currently lays claim to all of it. There is obviously something to be said about playing away!, as all their victories were thus achieved. Just to emphasis the point see later.

As was the case last week the final outcome will not be known until the conclusion of this evening's game. Purely in the interests of overseeing the competition in it's entirety I feel compelled, again, to watch a SKY game that would normally pass me by!!

Chris requires a further away win to cut Pam's winnings in half as Coventry travel to the West Country to take on Plymouth. This will match with the 3 already recorded by Everton and the 2 teams he shares with Pam.

As it will be a minimum of Ł48 heading to the most efficient of customer support staff employed on match days at The Madejski, could you let me know the best way to get your winnings to you. I can either put a cheque in the post, if you let me know your address, or I can bring cash or cheque to the Wigan game a week tomorrow. No doubt Chris will be keeping an eye on tonight's game and, if needs be, will let me know his preferred delivery method.

The only other one of you to get close was Clive W being let down by Accrington's draw, just down the road, at Wycombe.

There will be Ł32 up for grabs this coming weekend, providing the following dues are paid. Please either send direct to me or make use of my trusty collector based in 121 KRD.

Ł4 owed by The Denney Clan, Dave, Fintan, Mary & Sara. Just so I can keep up to date on things can you let me know your chosen payment method.

As it is FA Cup 4th round week, I believe that exactly half of you will not being competing, due to earlier round failings or no games for your League 1 or 2 teams.

I think that completes the football side of things which allows me a little licence to digress. Those long standing recipients of the updates may recall it is this corresponding time each year that sees me make mention of increasing my recipe collection. Not so this year as my annual pilgrimage to the refreshment area of the 'Make It Card & Craft Show' at Thorpe Park was put on hold due to our situation at present. Notwithstanding that decision, fate took a hand anyway as the event was postponed due to structural damage. It has just been been pointed out to me, whilst being proof read for any libelous comments, that it has been re-arranged for the weekend after next. Apparently if one of us secures gainful employment by that time the decision to attend or not will have to be revisited.

Unfortunately, for those who don't already know, the elements also took their toll a little closer to home, last Thursday. I am now the owner of an open plan garden and currently driving a courtesy car. The reason for this being that our garden wall deposited itself on the driveway, but not before using the car to break it's fall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Approx Ł250 later in premium excesses should see everything rectified in due course. Ho Hum.

Oh well at least I get a free lunch today. As some of you are aware I am on the books of the University to participate in food tasting sessions. I received a call yesterday to see if I would like to pop down to Pizza Hut at the Oracle & taste a number of pizzas/garlic bread and get paid into the bargain for my trouble. I think the answer was obvious, so must finish off now and head to town.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 20

At the end of Saturday's games 3 of you were still in contention for the Ł64 available. The draw for Everton & loss for Spurs put paid to Paul & Tim's chances respectively, yesterday. Although saying that Tim would still have needed a Grimsby win tonight, even if Spurs had won.

A Grimsby win, away to top of the table Walsall this evening, would see Mary take the money. I would imagine that means there will one more person checking the result/watching it (Sky Sports 1) locally than there would otherwise have been!

No one else hit the 3 win mark, so I think that brings an early conclusion to this week's results.

There will either be Ł96 or Ł32 up for grabs this coming weekend.

On the who is paid to where front, everyone is covered for this coming weekend. The Denney Clan, Dave L, Fintan, Ian, Mary (depending on tonight), Mike, & Sara will owe Ł4 each from the weekend of 27/1. I only mention this a little earlier than normal as the competition's 121KRD collection representative could relieve you of your pennies and hand them to me on Saturday, during the home game to Sheff Utd. Failing that you still have to 26/1 to give Gary the money and he can then hand over at the Wigan home match on 30/1. If any of you wish to give a cheque either to Gary or in the post to me, this would also be fine. The Ł4's take you up to and incl the weekend of 17/2 and there are then a further 10 weeks of competition after that.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 19

Although all fixtures in this weeks competition are yet to be completed, the outcome has already been decided. My original thoughts were that I would be sending a further update tomorrow. However, the indifferent away form of Spurs has put paid to that and with it Fintan's chances. He had secured 2 wins on Saturday and needed wins for Spurs (yesterday, 0-0 if you weren't aware) & Lincoln (tonight) to scoop the pot.

Coincidentally if Lincoln win in their promotion battle at MK Dons tonight, it will leave 80% of you (also Carole [Leeds loss], Albert [Bristol City draw] & David [Newcastle draw]) who selected them on the 3 win mark. The only other 'nearly one', of the 14 of you originally in with a chance of winning, was Mick let down by Wrexham's loss.

There will be Ł64 up for grabs this coming weekend.

As there is little else to comment on, a couple of politician gaffes to finish with.

John Prescott was defending allegations about concreting over large parts of Britain's green belt land. "The green belt is a Labour achievement and we mean to build on it".

Just to keep the balance, Margaret Thatcher's praise for her deputy William Whitelaw prompted "every Prime Minister needs a Willie".

Regards
Trev.

Week 18

A brief conversation, yesterday with the founder of the competition and erudite overseer of it’s current running, led me to completely change what I was going to include in this update. This morning’s developments, or more correctly last nights actions by one of the Smith household, & pre-empted by said persons holding e-mail earlier today, means that additional information is now also contained and the update delayed in it‘s issue.

The delay being caused due to not being wireless enabled, if that isn’t a misnomer, for a period of time. See later for the full sketch, but suffice to say, I wasn’t in favour of getting the ‘damn thing’ in the first place and I don’t mean broadband.

Anyway on to the footie part of the update. Having noted that no one had won following Saturday’s fixtures, I wrongly concluded that was it and we were heading for Ł96 this coming weekend.

I had overlooked the combination of rules 5, 6 & 10 whereby if a team doesn’t play/complete it’s first fixture of a given weekend it is their result of any remaining completed game played that counts to the overall result.

In saying that Accrington Stanley in having their Saturday match abandoned at half time, travelled to Wrexham looking for a result, which could bring some new year cheer to one of you. Well they left it late but secured a 3-1 victory with the winning goals coming in the 83rd & 86th minute.

Couple that together with the Saturday wins for Blackburn, Preston & Bristol City means a cheque for Ł64 is now in the post to Cumbria. Well done Clive W.

A quick mention of the ’3 win brigade’, the first with an element of irony for the closest to winning of you. With Accrington’s result yesterday now counting, James was left to rue his long supported and beloved Palace’s draw away to Cardiff. A contentious offside decision to disallow an Eagles ‘goal’ in the 69th minute only adding to the woe. 3 wins and a loss (Spurs, West Ham [not a good weekend], Darlington & Peterborough) each, denied Mike, Albert, Pam & Brian respectively.

There will be Ł32 up for grabs this coming weekend if Jason gets his already in hand money to Gary P by the end of the week. If my organisational abilities haven’t already been tested by the weekend’s abandonment’s, this coming weekend the vagaries of the FA Cup come into play. I calculate that currently 17 of us will not have a full quartet of teams playing, therefore only 15 will be competing. If it wasn’t bad enough for the draw to have paired 2 of your teams together (Tom, Gary & Chris) and other previous round failings, spare a thought for the 7 of you (Tim, Nick, Steve, Tony, Sara, John & Mary) who have selected Grimsby and to a lesser degree Nigel, with Bury. At the completion of the second round replay’s Bury were due to entertain Ipswich in the Cup leaving their defeated opponents Chester free to fulfil their League 2 fixture at Grimsby. However, as Bury were subsequently expelled from the Cup due to fielding an unregistered player, it is now Chester who progress to the 3rd round leaving both Grimsby & Bury fixtureless.

Just to conclude this week by returning to the content of the first two paragraphs above. It has been pretty quiet on the ‘Tales from the Hutch’ front recently, well all that is just about to change. Having settled down to type this morning, I turned to plug in the Broadband connection. It certainly lived up to it’s name and was very much wire less. It would appear that a particular long eared resident of the house had got down the back of the sofa, last evening and supplemented his nutrition by chomping through the thinnest wire available. The AC adapter is now in two pieces with Flip-Flop likely to end up in far more if he repeats the performance. To a degree he should be complemented on his endeavours as this entailed moving a large cardboard box and squeezing through a gap no more than a few centimetres wide, between the sofa & sewing machine!!!!!!!

I can take little responsibility for this outcome as I was watching a rather impressive footballing performance on Sky upstairs at the time. With Katie safely in bed, it is believed that the remaining guardian of the wires lapsed into temporary unconsciousness, that’s another resolution blown early then, aided by some Jacobs Creek Semillon Chardonnay. Having discussed the potentially libellous content of the previous sentence with Mrs S, her defence was that it was my fault. Apparently had I not bought the wine in the first place this weeks update would have been much earlier and shorter!!!! At least I now know the price of a universal AC adapter in Maplins. Ł15.99 to be precise.

If the above isn’t bad enough, guess who wrongly decided to cycle to football yesterday. I set out in bright sunshine, please see the attachments as to the end result as the weather took a turn for the worse!!!

If they don't make it through any firewalls and you would like a good laugh, at my expense, please let me know and I will forward to any home e-mails if you provide details.

Regards, from a rather disgruntled,
Trev.

Week 17

I trust you all had an enjoyable Christmas. Personally I don't know where the 50 or so hours went from collecting 'Mum's' on Christmas Eve, to getting them safely home last night, post the annual Smith pilgrimage to The Hexagon's pantomime.

However, it seem a long time ago that the weekend's competition result was decided. The 'nearly ones' were James, David & Mary let down by the losses of Accrington Stanley, Bournemouth and probably most surprising Nottingham Forest, respectively.

That was as close as anyone got, so there will be Ł64 up for grabs this coming weekend.

Thank you to everyone for their efforts in getting your contributions to me. As a small reminder, Jason is paid up to and including this weekend and will owe again from the weekend of 6/1.

The next up date will be in 2007! and however you decide to see the New Year in, I hope you enjoy it.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 16

Earlier today I was considering starting this e-mail by thanking Mick but with hindsight, I wish he had not sown a sub conscious thought. One of the passing comments, when we were out last Tues, as to my current situation was, "at least you'll be able to watch all the cricket". So there I was at 3.53 this morning considering that I may see history made and would be composing this update during the lunch interval of the 3rd Test. Pietersen & Flintoff had both hit 50's and looked, albeit a little uncomfortable at times, settled in. One minute later those hopes started to fade with Flintoff being bowled by a Warne 'drifter'. 30 minutes later and 9 down, I knew I was going to get more kip than my wildest dreams had ever imagined. If any of you were watching, or see any of it later, I am considering setting a petition up for one constituent part of the England & Wales Cricket Board to be ceremoniously dropped. This would then mean that anyone with a Taffy sounding name would not be able to play for England again. However, seeing as our wicketkeeper was in the team for his batting & having secured 3 successive ducks, incl the 'warm up game', I think the decision for him personally will already have been made!!

Anyway switching sports and returning to the reason for this mail, it would would be fair to say that this weeks competition was anything but predictable.

I rarely start by mentioning the poor performers but 12 of you recorded 3 losses or more apiece. The' more, I'm afraid currently stand at Paul & Tony who will be joined by Mary if Middlesbourough should also fail at Craven Cottage tonight. I favour a draw.

Three of you, Mike (Huddersfield draw), Mick (Wrexham draw), Clive (Accrington Stanley draw), Steve (Grimsby loss) & Pam (Darlington loss), were the nearly ones this week.

One of you had also secured 3 wins at the close of Saturday, with their Premiership team playing yesterday. I don't know how they felt their chances were, but with your (selected) team having sacked their manager during the week, languishing in the relegation places & due to face the league leaders and being quoted at 6-1 to win even though they were at home, possibly not too great. Add to this that Man Utd had 4 times as many shots as their opponents & with the home team only gaining their first corner in the 90th minute, surely hopes must be slim.

For those who don't know, West Ham won 1-0 the goal being scored by their much maligned, over recent weeks, captain. This meant that Albert added this victory to those of Southampton, Bristol City & Lincoln, who for the record coincidentally also all played at home.

Albert can you let me know your address so I can get that proverbial 'cheque off to you in the post'. As your win was over Ł50, it will be for Ł85 having deducted your dues to complete the next 3 months payment.

On the subject of payment there will be Ł32 up for grabs this coming weekend, if the following of you somehow/someway get your money to me or my 121 KRD based representative by the end of the week

Ł5 owed by The Denney Clan (Mick, I am likely to be out and about Wed's mid-late morning, so could collect then, along with the moses basket, if convenient), Fintan, Mary & Sara (for which arrangements are already in hand).

Just for completeness, Ian & Viv owe again (Ł4) from the weekend of 30/12, Jason (Ł3) from 6/1 & Nigel (Ł1) from 20/1. The rest of you are paid well into February or beyond.

If you do make use of Mr Purser's collection services or send your payment in any other form, can I ask you to just drop me a quick mail so I can keep apace of the position.

I think that will be sufficient for this week. It just leaves me to close by thanking you for the kind words and thoughts I have received over the past week.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 15

On the assumption that you have all seen my e-mail from Friday, the organisation of the competition moves into a new era. In view of the lateness of this update and it not being sent from my own new Hotmail address, may give some indication that this hasn't been the smooth transition I had anticipated and hasn't been without teething problems. My new e-mail address does work and is fully up and running, but I was getting problems cutting and pasting all your addresses into the mail I was trying to send. Hopefully will get it sorted for next week.

Anyway on to the important albeit short bit. There were no winners and as no one even reached the 3 win mark, there is little else to tell. Just for the record the most popular choices in each division did manage 3 wins (and 2 losses, by virtue of Leeds & Southampton being joint top picks in The Championship). James unfortunately faired the least well by recording 4 losses.

There will be Ł96 up for grabs this coming weekend. When the time comes to pay out I will come to a mutually acceptable arrangement with the lucky recipient(s). Although understandably the pay out may not be as prompt as previously.

With regard to money moving in the opposite direction, I detail below where you are all paid to and then how much it would be to take you to the end of the season.

Paid up to and incl this coming weekend (Ł19 would pay to the end) The Denney Clan, Fintan, Mary, Michael, Sara & Tina.

Paid up to and incl the weekend of 23/12 (Ł18 would pay to the end) Ian & Viv.

Paid up to and incl the weekend of 30/12 (Ł17 would pay to the end) Albert & Jason.

Paid up to and incl the weekend of 13/1 (Ł15 would pay to the end) Nigel.

Paid up to and incl the weekend of 20/1 (Ł14 would pay to the end) Dave & Mike.

Paid up to and incl the weekend of 10/2 (Ł11 would pay to the end) Carole.

Paid up to and incl the weekend of 17/2 (Ł10 would pay to the end) Tony & John. (The latter paid to this far by our reciprocal competition organiser arrangement)

If you are not mentioned then you are fully paid up and in Nick's case currently for the first week of next season's competition. There is an optimistic statement.

I appreciate that making your payments will not be as easy as has been the case up until now. For those of you still in the Pru’s employ there is one avenue I am going to suggest, which will be dependent on the individuals anticipated agreement. I'm sure this will granted by promoting Gary from his previous temporary, deputy assistant, part time holiday cover collector role to the exalted status of Chief Revenue & Treasury Executive (121KRD branch).

I feel a hiatus will have to be invoked on the 'payment service'. Although it could currently operate almost indefinitely, the outgoings would very much outweigh the collections and those outgoings need to be used for different purposes at the current time. As ever though I could always be open to persuasion!

Regards,
Trev

Week 14

Due to 1st round FA Cup failings and for the second week running the vagaries of midweek European competitions, 20 of you were out of contention.

Of those of us competing Gary & Nigel were the closest being let down by the draws of Coventry & Bury respectively. Pam had the loss of Darlington to cost her and the competition was rounded off yesterday with Mick needing a West Ham win away to Everton. If you don't know it ended up 2 - 0 to the home side, so providing CAROLE pays her dues before Friday there will be Ł64 up for grabs this coming weekend. (Tony, just for the record you are paid up to and incl the coming weekend but will owe again from 16/12)

The answer given for last weeks question was Fishing, trampolining, ice hockey, badminton, discus & hammer throwing. I had a few other suggestions all of which had some credence so well done to all who had a go.

Short and sweet this week.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 13

This weeks results/outcome had more twists and turns than about 3 Agatha Christie novels thrown into one.

It was probably no surprise though, as the most popular picks in each division all collectively won for the first time this season. It also meant that no less than seven of you ended up on the 3 win mark.

The most notable of these being Sara, who it would seem is fated not to break her winless run stretching back in excess of 4 and a half years. Although as everything subsequently unravelled it wouldn't have amounted to much, but the principle remains.

I checked Saturday's results that evening and having recorded 3 wins, for only the second time this season, noted that a subsequent win for her Premiership selection (Blackburn, no doubt on a high from qualifying for the knockout stages of the UEFA Cup) would at long last reap some dividends. I further noted said team wasn't due to play on Sunday and therefore concluded their scheduled game, away game to bottom but one Watford was to be played in front of SKY cameras tonight.

It came as some surprise to check yesterday's paper to find Watford V Blackburn given as a postponed fixture!!!!!! leaving Sara high and dry on 3 wins along with Tony (Everton draw), Mick (Swansea draw), Carole (Lincoln loss), John (Man City loss), Nigel (Bury loss) & Sharon (Torquay loss). Further investigation leads me to believe that as Blackburn played in Europe last Thurs then their fixture would normally have been moved to Sunday. However, SKY are covering Watford V Sheff Utd tomorrow and can only assume those poor little Hornets couldn't handle 2 games in the space of 3 days.

Uncannily after all this, it was left to the same team for the third week running to decide the final fate of this weeks pot. I for one am not complaining as Spurs have improved week on week.

2 weeks ago Tina (also Leeds, Nottm Forest & Darlington) and Clive M (differs by Bristol Rovers) could have shared the pot of Ł64 but for a Royals victory. This time they do share it along with myself (also Southampton, Doncaster & Darlington) so we are each Ł10.67 better off. Clive, can you remind me of your address so I can get that proverbial cheque in the post to you.

There will be Ł32 up for grabs this coming weekend.

If you have made it this far, a sporting question to have a go atL
Name six sports which use a net but no ball?

I'll bring you the answer next week, if I remember.

Regards,
Trev.

PS: There are still two tickets available at Ł20 each for the Watford V Reading game on Sat 9/12, courtesy of my neighbour. Also dependent on how many Gary needs, there may be one left for the game at Newcastle (Ł32) on Wed's 6/12. If you are interested, please let me have your money and I will obtain a ticket(s) in exchange.

Week 12

I'm afraid my suggestion a couple of weeks ago for a nice pot to develop up to Christmas, has been dampened by those senior Amicus chaps.

At the end of Saturday they had both recorded the requisite 4 wins apiece. They share Everton, Coventry, Bristol City and only differ in their respective League 2 (Divn 4) selections. Gary with Peterborough & Chris choosing Darlington. Please can you give me a call to arrange when convenient to deliver your winnings.

It was left to the same team as last week to decide the final outcome of the competition, yesterday. With the above sitting on Ł48 each, this could have reduced to Ł32 with the extra Ł16's being diverted to Pam. However, as last week when Tina & Clive M were denied the same amount each, Spurs failed to deliver the required result. Although they did go slightly better by gaining a draw, scant consolation I'm sure for Pam.

The only others of you to achieve 3 wins all came from the 'Denney Clan'. Paul being the closest, let down by the draw of Nottingham Forest. The losses of Accrington Stanley & Huddersfield did for, a much improved, James & Brian respectively.

As it is payday this week the following dues are owed. Those of you owing Ł4, this will be required by Friday, to ensure we are competing for Ł32 this coming weekend.

Ł4 owed by The Denney Clan, Fintan (normal arrangements to apply?), Ian, Mary, Michael (via the next in line?), Tina & Viv. Ł3 owed by Jason. Ł2 owed by Carole (you have until 8/12 to pay this, just to be helpful!) & Sharon. Ł1 owed by Sara (just to continue the above theme, required by 15/12) & Tony.

These payments mean you will owe again from the weekend of 23/12. A couple of extra quid will therefore see you safely paid over the festive period.

I could easily be persuaded to open the payment service later in the week, if the demand was there. This offer is based on the fact it manages to behave itself in the earlier part of the week!!

Just to close with a little food & drink trivia.

Every second, almost eight portions of fish and chips are sold in the UK. Unless you happen to be Squelchy, who was thwarted by roadworks on two separate occasions and routes, in his quest to obtain said food for his tea, in the past week or so.

According to a survey in 1999 the top 3 causes of arguments when dining out are: pinching your companions chips, eyeing up other diners & loud and messy eating habits. For those out on the London Street Brasserie do, we won't have any problem with the first two. Firstly, they don't do chips, secondly the staff always take precedence! & thirdly, well 2 out of 3 aren't bad!!

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.

To close and never liking to be thought of as average: The average person in the UK spends Ł34.41 a week on food & drink of which Ł6.20 is on alcoholic drink. (If the payment service does operate it will have to be BOB's/RAOB, purely to try and squeeze a decent weeks 'average' into a day.)

Regards,
Trev.

Week 11

It is always pleasing to see the team you support win. However, this is doubled by the fact of who they defeated ensured that the pot rolls over and up, to Ł96, if Ian pays his dues by Friday.

Tina & Clive M went into yesterday needing a Spurs victory to share the spoils. Just in case anyone is unaware THE SUPER ROYALS won out 3 - 1 victors.

The only others of you to hit the 3 win mark were the aforementioned Ian (less said the better which one of his 4 teams let him down) and Bernie (Wolves loss at Hull). There is little else to comment on result wise, apart from it was James who went one result worse than his previous 2 weeks efforts and unfortunately recorded the exact opposite of what is required.

The answer to last weeks question. It was allegedly Tom's granddaughter who was staying with him, whilst on a week's work experience in Reading, thus saving her having to travel from the family home in Finchampstead each day. Bearing in mind he is renowned for his tales, do I/we believe him?

OFFER OF THE WEEK:
Just to dangle a little carrot for later in the week, possibly. A neighbour and his wife are Reading away season ticket holders and therefore guaranteed a pair of tickets for each game. Speaking to him yesterday he is away on holiday for the Newcastle (Ł32 each) & Watford (Ł20 each) games on Wed's 6/12 & Sat 9/12 respectively and as at yesterday he still has them up for grabs, at face value. These are currently reserved in case any of 'our crowd' can't get a ticket in their own right when they go on sale this Wed's. My ticket (I have sufficient points to qualify on Wed's) for the Watford game will also be available. Please let me know if you would be interested in any of the above, should they hopefully become freed up on/after Wed's. I will accept on a first come first served basis and will let you know more when I do.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 10

Although in excess of 63% of us had not recorded a full set of results at the end of Saturday, the outcome of the competition had already been decided. Is it too early to suggest this could be the start of a bulging pot for Christmas. It is normally a different sort of pot that develops over the festive period!

The, potentially against the odds, victories of Spurs (Clive M, Tina, Nick & Steve [the later 3 no doubt happier than most]) & West Ham (Ian, equally) meant that they were the weekends nearly people, being let down by the losses of Leeds X 2, Grimsby X 2 (who was that Barnet fan who said they would be a top selection?!) & Bristol City respectively.

At the reverse end of the spectrum only the draws of Carlisle and Wycombe respectively, saved James & Jason matching David's 'nil points' return.

There will be Ł64 up for grabs this coming weekend, if Nigel pays his dues by the end of Friday. By way of reminder, Ian will be receiving the same message this time next week.

That is about it for this week, apart from another round of 'Name that Competition Member':
Who was the retired entrant seen leaving his house to the south of Reading, at approx 9.00am today? Nothing unusual in this you may think. However, a bonus question. Who was the young lady in a black coat & red scarf also slipping out of the front gate and lithely into the passenger seat of the family car?

Regards,
Trev.
PS: I could just have pulled the plug on one of my Evening Post competition suppliers, in the light of above!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Week 9

What would you give your chances, if you were relying on a team who had not won a game since their first of the season and earlier in the week been unceremoniously dumped out of the League Cup to a team in the lower reaches of League 1 (Divn 3, in real money!), to scoop the Ł32 available.

Well a phone call at half way through the West Ham V Blackburn match yesterday (1-0 at the time), to a particular competition member was greeted with great surprise. The surprise was that immense, that said entrant forgot what was required to scoop the pot.

Fortunately the aforementioned competition member had enlisted the help of a colleague in her selections (completed by Leeds, Nottm Forest & Lincoln) and the first words she heard from her colleague this morning were "You won then".

To summarise, with West Ham holding on to win 2-1 having conceded in injury time and surviving a looped header over the bar in the remaining two minutes, Carole has recorded her first victory of the season.

Albert was next closest with Southampton's loss denting his chances. John will go one result better if Man City win at home to Middlesborough this evening and will rue Grimsby's draw keeping him from a share of the pot.

There will be Ł32 up for grabs if Mary pays her dues by the end of the week (Ł3 to me, Ł1 to Viv [that's what friends are for]).

If any of you are at a loose end tomorrow night and don't fancy watching Barcelona V Chelsea, what better way to spend your time than in the company of Messrs Welch, Purser (Gary, I have 3 tickets for you give me a bell when you are in), Smith, Feeney? & Denneys? at the Madejski Stadium to see the Reading V Arsenal reserve encounter, ko 7.00pm. Get to the hotel bar by 5.30 and see the majority of Spartak Moscow V Inter Milan, retire to the Lower West stand for a 'relaxed' watch of the main event, then return to said bar and watch 2nd half of the first match mentioned in this paragraph. Guess where we may well end up circa 9.45 - 11.00ish!?

Little else to comment on, so I will close with a couple of musical questions to test you:
1) What was the name of The Charlatans' first UK top ten single? (Three of us could benefit from the right answer being supplied, check e-mails later in the day!)
2) A song with the lyrics something like 'keep singing, keep dancing and the bracketed [ ] words, 3 paragraphs above. Any idea of the title and artist from this vague clue?

Regards,
Trev.

PS: Just remembered that I didn't give the answer to the question posed in Week 4's update. The first part of why a previous organiser of this competition was refused entry to all pubs in Shepherds Bush on the evening of 12 September was no doubt the easy bit. Well just for the record Michael was attending a concert by The Subways??? in the locality and with his head now firmly in the highest echelons of the football hierarchy had totally overlooked the lesser leagues fixtures that night. With that said he headed off proudly wearing his Royals shirt. On arriving at every pub he was greeted by the bouncers saying "don't think you are coming in here with a shirt on like that". It suddenly dawned that QPR were taking on Birmingham in The Championship (Divn 1) that evening. With great persistence & by showing his concert ticket and much pleading he did eventually gain entry to one pub with the warning words "Now don't you cause any trouble", as if!!!!!!!!!

Week 8

I knew I was potentially tempting fate by making mention, in the last update, of the highest pot of the season coinciding with the end of a 5 week month. It certainly seemed to raise the anti with Fintan & Paul only being let down by Palace's draw. 4 others of you achieved 3 wins and a loss, Viv & Tina (Leeds), Nick (Grimsby) & Nigel (most unfortunately, Reading).

The final outcome of the competition will not be known until this evening as Dave L has also achieved 3 winners (Spurs, Huddersfield & Wycombe) and awaits Coventry's result at home to Colchester to see if he gets his hands on some winnings. Just for completeness, Chris will join the '4' collective above (Bristol City) if the result should go Dave's way.

If a home victory is secured Ł26.66 each will have to be diverted from the Ł80 that both Mike S and myself currently have to our credit, following Spurs victory yesterday afternoon which backed up the wins of Southampton X 2 and Huddersfield + Lincoln & Doncaster + Darlington respectively. Not that I should mention such things, but Bernie managed to achieve the exact opposite with his 4 teams!

There will be Ł32 up for grabs this coming weekend if the following dues are paid. As it that wonderful week that brings with it a school half term, there will be selected times between now and Friday when I won't be around to relieve you of your pennies. I'm off all day tomorrow, matinee performance of Disney on Ice Princess Classics at Wembley Arena and will be leaving approx 1.00pm on Thursday for the matinee performance of Tracy Beaker Gets Real at the Arnaud Theatre, Guildford. Although things do improve that evening wise, with a paid for meal booked in at the Jekyll & Hyde, Turgis Green.

With this in mind if there is any call, PLEASE PLEASE, for the payment service to operate for the first time this season, it will have to be either weds or FRIDAY . at a venue and time to be decided by the attendees.

Ł4 owed by The Denney Clan, Fintan (arrangements via Jackie?), Jason, Mary, Michael (arrangements via T?, ps, did you ever give me said persons Ł4 for September?), Sara (Derek, the 'Ł3.80' you kindly provided me with Friday lunchtime will suffice for the time being, as that is often the way the majority of advance payments go!), Tina & Viv. Ł3 owed by Carole (will be needed by 3/11 at the latest). Ł2 owed by Dave (depending on the outcome of tonight's game, as potentially due over Ł50 winnings, from which the next 3 months dues will be deducted as protocol dictates. Squelchy I was going to quote the particular rule number but it appears to have been omitted from your website?!) & Nigel. Mike, you would have been included but as you have already secured a minimum of Ł53.33, I will pay you either Ł40.33 or I'm sure which you would rather prefer, Ł67. Ł1 owed by Ian.

I feel quite exhausted after that. No smart comments like so do we after wading through it.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 7

As only 2 of you managed to secure a win with your Premiership selections (Mary, Middlesborough & Jason, Bolton) it will probably come as no surprise that there were no winners.

The nearly ones of you were Clive W & Michael being deprived the spoils by the draws of Blackburn & Man City respectively. The only other one of you to achieve 3 winners was Gary with Everton's reverse putting paid to his chances.

Therefore Ł160 will be up for grabs this coming weekend. It is the last weekend of a five week month, I'll say no more.

Sorry, no stories this week.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 6

Well at least Reading's splendid result yesterday has given me something to comment on positively. It meant the only bright spot in all the selections was Nigel with his 'Reading connected' choices just let down by the, Stuart Henderson inspired, loss of Southampton which stopped him getting his hands on the Ł96.

To reinforce how poorly the rest of us faired, 5 of you failed to record a single winner, with Mick leading this field by attaining the exact opposite of what is required. A further 19 of us only achieved 1 winner, leaving a paltry 7 of you to go one win better. James was on course to match Nigel but injury time equalisers for Man City & Hull against Everton & PALACE respectively, saw his chances dented. Although the wins would have mattered little, as Carlisle were on the end of a 5 - 1 tonking from Crewe.

That is about all there is to comment on the footballing front, with Ł128 up for grabs in two weeks time. No competition this coming weekend due to Euro 2008 qualifiers.

As I have digressed a little from the main theme of these updates, I feel it is a trend to be continued. I will now switch into TV preview mode and bring you details of all things trashy & tacky that come with Channel 4 & 5's late night scheduling.

The following item may be of more interest to the ladies who receive this update!

In view of Squelchy's 'rumour' from last season regarding Reading striker, Kevin 'Big Boy' Doyle, given more credence by the photo showing him celebrating the equaliser at Leicester!, may well be featuring on TV, 2 days running. Following his rather constrained appearance on Match of the Day 2, could he be more to the fore at 11.00pm on Channel 4 this evening. The programme is entitled The World's Biggest P***s!!!!!!!! I'll leave you all to decide on your intended viewing in the light of this information. Purely in the interests of research the Channel 4 website states that this is one of a trilogy of programmes on the subject. The others include a programme devoted to John Wayne Bobbitt and the with some amazing ways the subject matter can be used!

To digress still further by returning to the 'The Innocence of Childhood' but retaining a body part theme, a tale from this years holiday. A certain 8 year old who is very dear to me unfortunately suffers from travel sickness at times. An aromatherapy treatment proved very successful on the school trip to Marwell Zoo and had maintained so for the majority of our travels around the Isle of Wight in early August. It was mainly a visual sketch but I will do my best to pass on the details. The treatment involved rubbing said liquid onto the inside of the wrists and also a particular area of the forehead. All was going well until the rather winding hedgerowed lanes to Ventnor were encountered. A little voice piped up and said she wasn't feeling too well. The little bottle of the cure all was passed to her to apply some more to herself. This was followed by the words "I've done my wrists, shall I do my nipples as well" My initial thoughts if that was the correct application, was what a pity she didn't inherit the problem from her mother, as I would have been happy to help there! No in truth the front seat passengers just glanced at each other, I corrected my somewhat wayward bit of driving and just said quietly "Did she say what I thought she said". The aforementioned parent turned in her seat and asked Junior Smith where she wanted to apply the second dose, to which she promptly raised her hands and touched her temples. I now know that we need to concentrate on the biology homework when received!

I'm afraid in the light of the above, the poser set 2 weeks ago, that is the answer and not a reference to the subject of the question will have to be held over for a further week.

Just in case Aldershot was a trip too far for you last week, why not consider taking in the Reserves at home to Spurs this Wed's. Kick off is 7.00pm Ł3 for season ticket holders & Ł5 general admission. However, as is my want I do have a number of free tickets and would be happy to share these with a selected few of you, if interested. Let me know as we could also retain the theme of pre match beers and post match curry

Cheers,
Trev.

Week 5

To make a change, the outcome of this weeks competition was decided at the conclusion of Saturday's fixtures. Those of us not included in the following list faired worse than the 3 win brigade. This was headed by Pam & Clive W with the draws of Darlington & Accrington respectively, keeping them from the pot. Albert, Brian & Mike with the losses of WHU, Peterborough & Spurs respectively, were one result further away.

I assume you will all be happy to know that this is as good as it got. Therefore providing Gary remembers his cheque, on the behalf of Chris and Viv (Mary agreed for Ł1 of her contribution to be diverted to your cause) returns from her sick bed, then there will be Ł96 up for grabs this coming weekend.

As there is little else to comment on with regard to the weekend's results, I feel that this gives me a little opportunity to digress. Oh no, I hear some of you say already.

I guessed that Reading's rise to great heights this season would cost me more money, but how little did I realise this would extend to new clothing (no not just replica shirts). In my haste to return from disposing of pre-match & half time intake, something got caught. Fortunately for me, I didn't instantly change religion, but my 'lucky', medium sized (reference to a non football related story from springtime!), boxer shorts were now firmly gripped in the teeth of my jeans zip!! After a few extra seconds of 'tugging' the situation was worsened and no way was it's grip going to be relaxed. The only consolation for both future visits and for my own modesty (the benefits of wearing shirts outside trousers) was that it was stuck half way. I decided that as we were due in town straight after the game (meal in the Thai Corner in Friar St, 1st time appearance, but I would highly recommend it) that I would leave any major retrieval situation until the following day. Hasten to say the zip is now completely broken and the front of my boxers look like FlipFlop has run riot on them. I haven't brought you 'tales from the hutch' for a while, so in a seamless transition here goes. He is getting ever braver when left to exercise, by running round the lounge. To that end he took a fancy to a piece of Fridays mail. After taking a nibble out of it the first time around, he grabbed the whole page which was probably 50% or more bigger than him and bounced off for his next lap, with it firmly grasped in his jaw. Next up for his potential digestion were some of my food magazines, to which he was severely told off. In an attempt to deter him from any future such activity, I left one open on a page with a particularly alluring recipe for game casserole!

The last of the footie bits for this week relates to this evening. If any of you are at a loose end, or more particularly have your evening freed up by the competing member of the married couple who receive this e-mail, offering for the second week running to do the 'air cadet run', (I'm sure the good lady will have given up reading this, long before now, thus saving me getting further stick!) then what better to go to Aldershot, for Reading's away reserve game against Chelsea. I'm sure Michael would be happy to offer the other 3 spaces, on a first come first served basis. Arrangements thus far are the 17:12 Reading to Bracknell train, where we will be collected and chauffeured to Aldershot, for a few pre match pints in the Red Lion. Set off to 'The Rec' for 7.00pm kick-off, whilst pointing out, on route, the highly recommended Bengal Lancer Indian restaurant (Squelchy you know it makes sense!), for post match sustenance. Acknowledgment to Roger C, that legend of the Aldershot social scene, for his local knowledge.

I will finish on a sporty theme which will I believe also encompass the first (if I haven't previously mentioned the confused body parts sketch from this years holiday) of an occasional new feature 'The innocence of childhood'. I'm sure a significant number of you had more than a passing interest in a certain golf tournament held in Ireland over the weekend. It is also fair to say that mine was the minority interest in a certain Lower Earley household. This meant that Create and (bleeding) Craft and Toon Disney etc were always going to retain their favoured viewing status. I went about my normal activities keeping apace with proceedings courtesy of Radio 5 Live. At approx 3.30 whilst peeling the spuds, ahead of roasting, for Sunday dinner it was announced that due to a couple of dormie guaranteed half points, David Howell's 6 to 8 footer on the 14th had retained the Ryder Cup. I felt compelled to assert my authority over the remote control and switched over to see the putt being sunk and take in the resultant celebrations. There was minimal, if any reaction, from the other 2 members of the room, FlipFlop being out in his run or I'm sure this would have increased by 50%. The next comment is what the whole story is building to. A little voice said "Boring, this sort of golf isn't even difficult, there aren't obstacles to go round or ramps to go up".

On that I will close.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 4

A shorter update this week for no other reason than I forgot to bring the competition records in, due to the earliest rise (I've just realised on re reading this could be misconstrued, but I should be so lucky!) on a weekday for many a week. Also leaving a bit earlier for a farewell drink with a well respected member of the social crowd. A man who has stuck by traditions and I will always remember when someone said they were going out for a drink, because it was Friday. His retort was something like "I remember when everyday was a 'Friday', aren't they still?"

Anyway back to the competition. For the second week running John went into the last day with a chance of winning. However, Man City's loss at Blackburn (see later) left him the one win short. Tim was the only other person going into Sunday's games with a 100% record, just needing his beloved Spurs to win at home to Fulham. For any of you not knowing the outcome of the match, it left him with 3 wins and a draw, surprisingly? This means that providing the dues detailed, at the end of the mail, are paid then there will be Ł64 up for grabs this coming weekend.

Now for the best of the rest. With Blackburn having recorded their first win of the season it meant that the 3 of you who have them in your selections, all matched Tim's performance. Probably even more surprising than Tim's failure was table topping Nottingham Forest failing to score at home to Carlisle. In doing so this dented the chances of Sara breaking her long standing duck, could bode well for future weeks? Clive W & Pam (Preston & Darlington respectively) were the other nearly people from above. Gary also matched his mates performance only being let down by Everton.

The following of you owe the amounts below, which I would appreciate being paid by close of play Friday.

Ł4 (although it's a 5 week month, there is no competition, or game for Owen Hargreaves, over the weekend of 7/10, due to Euro 2008 qualifiers) owed by The Denney+ clan, Carole, Chris, Fintan (is Jackie sorting you?), Ian, Jason, Mary, Michael (? dependent how much you can convince me you paid originally), Sara, Sharon, Tina & Viv. Ł3 owed by Tony.

Regards,
Trev.
PS: Time prevents me from bringing full details but I'll set an easier than normal question for you. Which former organiser of this competition was refused access to all pubs in Shepherds Bush last Tuesday? A slightly harder follow up, why? I'll accept the right answer or any others that you feel could be the answer but aren't!

Week 3

I will try and attempt a first in this weeks update & make an analogy with the end part of an animal themed biblical story. By the time I have concluded it may have a little poignancy for one of you still competing.

Firstly an apology if I can't quite get the story right from a few thousand years ago. I'm sure I was probably setting off fireworks or something such like in the local park, when I should have been attending Sunday school.

Well it seems like it has been 40 days and 40 nights since I last witnessed, first hand, Reading's exploits. In fact it is only 23 and the match this evening at home to Man City is even more eagerly awaited as the outcome of it will also decide the fate of the Ł96 currently up for grabs. In fact any one of the 3 results, surely there can only be 1, will have a different outcome for the said pot.

I'm sure in the multi-national make up of all things football these days there must be some players going under the names of Noah, MT Ararat, and such like. However, before we get to the final resting place of this week's competition it was quite uncanny, and with symmetry, as to how it panned out as each stage of the weekend's fixtures were concluded.

At the end of Saturday's 3.00 games, Chris (Bristol City, ok I know they played Friday night, but allow me some licence, for effect purposes) and Paul (ironically with Palace) were the first duo to see their chances evaporate, being one loss short of achieving the full compliment of victories. At approx 5.25pm the next pair were left floundering as Ryan Giggs scored to put Spurs 1-0 down at Old Trafford and it remained that way with Tina & Steve, especially, ruing Defoe's shouldered effort & Mido over compensating for his hair loss, with a poor effort. The next double act, unlikely as it may seem, to be beached were Tony & Carole who deep into injury time of the first game yesterday saw their chances flood away, as Wolves and not Leeds broke the deadlock. This left Tony in the same position Chris & Paul, but with Carole's olive branch well and truly blown down as West Ham then went on to only draw.

All of this means that we are still left with the final two vying for the glory, this evening. Bernie will be routing for The Royals and this is where the animal theme takes on another angle. As some of you may be aware, John has had a long standing association with Wellplace Zoo at Ipsden and some of your little ones may even have sat on his knee in his role of Santa Claus, in the lovely grotto they created each year. What some of you may not be aware is that the zoo closed it's doors to the public yesterday, after 38 years of providing a lovely setting & amenity for the local area. I'm sure in the circumstances John would be excused for being a little more than preoccupied, although a Man City win this evening will see him benefit to Bernie's detriment. Although saying that I did notice on visiting yesterday that the coffee shop, where he was busily serving ice-creams, was to shut at 4.00pm. Now what time did that West Ham V Aston Villa game kick off? I spoke to John this morning, partly to ensure he didn't mind me making mention of what has been so much part of his life, but also to gauge his views on tonight's situation. The good weather, yesterday obviously boosted the coffers that much that he actually said he would like to see a Reading win. No I think it is just he is a very sporting and gracious chap who also just happens to have chosen 'The Biscuitment' (appropriate to reflect on past times, possibly) in his own competition and only stands 4 points off the lead! He also has the opportunity to watch the game, as there is a bit of a bash for the Zoo's staff which conveniently takes them to a venue that has SKY Sports!

Personally, and contrary to Michael's view (I've never known him be so kind towards Bernie's bank balance), I feel a draw and Reading not needing those 2 points come Ewood Park on Sunday 13th May 2007, therefore keeping the pot rolling and Premiership football for another season!

I think, on that optimistic note, it brings everything to a conclusion for this week.

Regards,
Trev.

UPDATE: If any of you have had a power cut or a complete news black out for the past 12 hours or so, or just couldn't work out yesterday's e-mail, you may not be aware that Reading's superb 1 - 0 victory, last night means Bernie is now Ł96 better off. Just for the record Bernie's other teams, who coincidentally all also won by the same scoreline, are Wolves (with their last ditch winner as previously mentioned), Bournemouth & the previously 'slighted' Torquay.

Maybe it was a bit early for him when I called on my way to work & informed him of the good news. However, he seemed blissfully unaware, something that could be to my pockets benefit & I will bear in mind if he is fortuitous to win again!!

There is quite often a downside as the weeks competition comes to a close. This week was no exception as the Man City loss meant that Michael & Brian (can you or your dad let me know your new e-mail address, Paul said you are no longer with tiscali?) recorded a matching set each.

As I have got a taste for this edge of the seat entertainment stuff, I feel it only right to extend my watching of all things blue & white hoops. To that end I will be in situ in the Millennium Hotel bar (it's still plastic beer but at least the container it is served in isn't) circa 6.00pm tomorrow night, ahead of the reserve game against Watford. I will be happy to buy any of you a beer if you can make it.

Regards,
Trev.

PS: I received the following reply in response to yesterday's mail. I trust John you have no problems in me passing on the story, of which I'm sure there are many more.

Brings back memories of one of the best stories JH ever told about the Zoo when they bought some Flamingoes or the like and paid good money for them. When they were proudly released into their pen they were soon taking flight and were last seen heading towards Caversham. Someone had forgotten to clip their wings!!

Week 2

Well THANK YOU SKY Sports. Fortunately for me the failures of Darlington (loss) & Peterborough (draw) mean that I don't have to tackle negotiating with the 2 bastions of Amicus fame Mr Gray and his trusty lieutenant Mr Purser. I feel that had circumstances been different then even the power of ACAS would have made it harder for me to convince the aforementioned that they can't win, than the battle they have recently won with the Company over the Capita deal.

Why you may ask yourself, well it is all down to that stalwart of all thing's football competition wise, your founder Mr Welch. I copy below (subtly censored as the words 'tough s**t' feature quite prominently in the original 18) rules 5 & 7 from the 'Official Rules' as published on www.squelchy.co.uk

Only fixtures played over the 'extended weekend for TV coverage' shall be eligible. 'Extended weekend for TV coverage' is defined as Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, and shall encompass all fixtures of relevant eligible competitions actually played on those days, irrespective of the originally scheduled date of fixture.

If a team selected does not play on any of the days specified in Rule 5 (e.g. postponed, rearranged or no scheduled fixture) - tough s**t, you can't win.

The reason this is relevant is the fact that Bristol City's game this 'weekend' is actually being played tonight. As the rules dictate that tonight is not 'the weekend' then tough s**t had Chris & Gary been going into the game requiring a 'Robins' victory. A quick check of the SKY sports coverage suggests that this is a one off move, well to the end of October anyway, as that is as far as their website goes. If this had become a regular night then the rules committee would have to have convened an extraordinary general meeting (no doubt at half-time in Reading's home reserve game tonight) to consider varying the rules, as we did a number of years back when 'Thursday's' were included in a long and drawn out bitter battle with the Palace supporting fan being one of the gentleman I will be joining in BOB's as soon as I finish this update!

Anything other than a City victory will see them the same as the best of the rest of you with only 2 wins. I know I am tempting fate (again thank you, although not surprisingly, to Squelchy for the following fact) but although Spurs, Leeds/S'ton equally, Nottm Forest & Grimsby are by far and a way the most popular picks in each division no one has actually gone for that particular quartet. I may well set up a pseudo (Karen) entry to see how it would have faired.

If Carole & Ian pay their dues by the end of the week, Ł2.00 takes you to payday, there will be Ł96 up for grabs over the 'weekend' of 7 - 11/9! as there is no competition this coming weekend due to Euro 2008 qualifiers.

Just a quick 'Tale from the Hutch' this week. Julie is currently doing a great impression of 'Mrs Overall' of Victoria Wood renown, having done her back in, again and not helped by the following. I am obviously still sadly lacking in all things animal related, as my sole responsibility of the weekend was to try and capture Flipflop, in his travelling box, from his run in the garden and return him to the safety of the cage at the bottom of the stairs (for those of you who know the layout in Pavenham Close). Well suffice to say he got his first bit of 'freedom' and promptly ended up being chased all round the back garden!!!!! Which of puff or shortcrust is better to encase said animal in?

On that one I will draw a close and retire to 'lunch'. May well see some of you down the Madstad tonight as Reading play their first ever game in the PREMIERSHIP reserve league against Aston Villa.

Regards,
Trev.

Week 1

Well with those lesser leagues having now completed 4 matches and embarking on their League Cup exploits this week, the competition has finally swung into action.

I did take the opportunity to see how 75% of your selections had faired in the previous 2 weeks. In relation to the opening weeks fixtures, I had concerns that you had obviously studied religiously, as no fewer than 9 of you (Tina, Tim, Gary, Chris, Paul, Tony, John, Sharon & Mary) achieved a 100% success rate. Second week in this was reduced to 1 (Fintan). Third week in Mick and Bernie achieved a 100% success rate. However, as this was only a 100% of 75% of their total selections then there were no winners and Ł64 is up for grabs this coming weekend. Bernie was the closest and was within 9 minutes of scooping the pot, but Hartlepool equalised at home to Torquay (amazingly following his returning selection from 02/03 & 03/04, he is joined this time around by Sharon. Torquay have not exactly featured greatly in your choices, the only other times they have appeared is Sara's [sorry Derek's] ill fated selections from 03/04 and ironically Nigel in 01/02, who this time around has gone with pointless, thus far, Bury!).

That completes the football details for this week as far as I'm aware, but the update is yet to be completed.

In what may well become an occasional feature, I will catalogue what could turn out to be a very bad lapse in my judgement. For those who don't know, the Smith family has grown by one in the past week. No that isn't why Julie gave up work at the end of March and before anyone suggests (I've already done this one and paid the prize) nor why prior to our hols we were about in equilibrium weight wise! [Deja vue a conversation in The RAOB Club, whilst watching a earlier (5 DAY!) Test Match, although the respective heights referred to were different].

No, Katie is now the very proud owner of the very timid Flip Flop, the 8 week old Netherland dwarf rabbit! It has subsequently been decided, since I was imbibed into conceding, that he will also be an indoor rabbit. I'm sure it's a ploy to allow him to gnaw through the SKY cable, as they are prone to do, thus depriving me of seeing Reading's often to be repeated exploits in the Premiership! So look out for the 'Tales from the Hutch' coming your way soon.

Anyway back to the plethora of e-mails, having returned from my customary post holiday 'lunchtime'

Regards,
Trev.